The 5 Biggest Myths About Referral Marketing (And What to Do Instead)
Referrals Don’t Come From Random Luck
One of the most common misconceptions I hear from coaches and consultants is that referrals are either something that just magically happens… or something you have to awkwardly ask for. Neither is true.
Referrals aren’t based on luck. They’re the natural result of creating a great client experience and nurturing genuine relationships.
Let’s break down some of the biggest myths holding people back.
Myth 1: Referrals happen spontaneously—there’s nothing you can do.
Truth: While you can’t force referrals, you can create the conditions where they happen naturally. Great offers, clear messaging, smooth systems, and thoughtful follow-up make it easy for people to recommend you.
Myth 2: Asking for referrals feels pushy.
Truth: Constantly asking clients for names would feel wildly awkward—but you don’t need to do that. Instead, focus on making your work so impactful and your presence so genuine that people want to spread the word.
Myth 3: Staying in touch will annoy people.
Truth: Most people love hearing from old colleagues or clients. Pause for a moment and think about how it feels when someone pops into your inbox with a thoughtful note. For most people it’s far from annoying. It’s usually cheering - and it might just make someone’s day.
Myth 4: You need a bigger audience.
Truth: You may already know everyone you need to find all the clients you want. Often, referrals come from existing relationships—not strangers on the internet. The issue is probably not that you don’t know enough people, it’s much more likely to be that you don’t stay in touch with the people you already know.
Myth 5: Networking is always transactional.
Truth: Healthy relationship-based marketing is about reciprocity and community, not hidden agendas. Think of it as scattering the seeds for wildflowers—you don’t know which seed will bloom, but the garden always grows.
What to Do Instead
Focus on deepening your current network (not just expanding it). Get back in touch with former clients and old colleagues. Suggest things which will allow you to rekindle your connection (things I have done in this case include suggesting being accountability or co-working buddies; going to an event together and comparing notes afterwards; or inviting people to become peer mastermind group members).
In most cases, it makes sense to put at least as much (if not more) energy into developing relationships that might lead to partner referrals (eg a web designer who refers clients to brand photographers and copywriters) as to client referrals (which are great, but it’s less likely that your clients will consistently come into contact with new ideal clients for you, whereas the web designer’s whole job involves coming into contact with new people who would be ideal clients for brand photographers).
Stay in touch with people regularly—with no agenda except to connect.
Make it easy for happy clients to share your work.
Prioritize collaborations with people whose values align with yours.
Final Thought
When you let go of the myths and start taking small doable steps, referrals stop feeling like wishful thinking and start becoming a consistent low-stress source of clients.
👉 Ready to design a referral-based business that actually feels good? That’s something we could work on together in a Mentorship.